To my future nephew, some negative thoughts about women

At some point, hopefully ten to fifteen years AFTER he earns his graduate degree, a future nephew will meet a woman whom he believes is his equal in marriage. Before you start dreaming about living happily ever after, let me post a few devil's advocate warnings to ensure the woman you marry is NOT the Wicked Witch of the west. Notice I said woman. If by some mistake my nephew believes in something other than monogamy and commitment to one woman, he will be disowned.

1) The first face to face interaction with a woman you've never met, will determine if the relationship will succeed. It does NOT matter if you are interested in her. If she cannot fathom being seen together with you now, what makes you think she'll be interested in you five years from now.

2) If the woman you are dating has ANY of the following tendencies, end the relationship:

a) She will only associate with you if you take her to an exotic locale such as Mongolia, Mozambique, Papua New Guinea.

b) You are constantly sending her on vacations to the country of her choice with her expecting to visit 100 countries in her lifetime.

c) You are sending the woman's parents on vacations to locales such as Australia or New Zealand on business class tickets.

d) She wants a private yoga instructor for daily or weekly house visits.

e) She wants you to purchase expensive exercise or sporting equipment for her home such as an exercise bike.

f) She has you scheduling well known authors or public speakers for her amusement.

g) You are hiring a personal chef to cook her meals daily.

h) She expects one day a week away from you such as a weekend spa getaway with her friends.

The above eight details sound familiar because this is what Erin Burnett, the CNBC anchor and a typical 31-year old woman, from the February 2008 issue of Men's Health stated is what she wants in a man. I have two words for Erin and woman like her which I won't print for language reasons.

Back in September 2007, a 40-something Manhattan employee of J.P. Morgan forwarded this response to the New York Times for a personals ad he saw on Craigslist. I will condense his response for language but its almost something I would say.

The ad was from a 25-year old Manhattan female who was seeking marriage to a Wall Street male who had to have a minimum 500k annual income.

The 40-something male's response:
"I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

First, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why.

Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following.

If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard tobelieve that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know."

Now my future nephew, I'm not saying all women are Mephistopheles BUT ask yourself this question, if you didn't have any of the material things to offer the woman you are dating, would she stand by you.